Melanie

  De Jong

Melanie

  De Jong

Hey There, I’m Melanie! I am a former CPA turned personal finance blogger and mom of three. When you ‘Budget With Mel’, you’ll develop monthly budgets, cost-cutting tactics, and learn new behaviors and beliefs about money. It’s time you took the stress and confusion out of your personal finances.

Hey There, I’m Melanie! I am a former CPA turned personal finance blogger and mom of three. When you ‘Budget With Mel’, you’ll develop monthly budgets, cost-cutting tactics, and learn new behaviors and beliefs about money. It’s time you took the stress and confusion out of your personal finances.

The Lost Art of Teaching Kids About Money By Being Hard on Them

melaniedj • Feb 24, 2020

As parents, we have such a powerful influence in teaching kids about money.

The truth is teaching kids about money has little to do with math and a lot to do with what you expect of them.

It doesn't seem like that long ago I was 15 years old and falling asleep in Bible class because I'd been up at 5am feeding the calves on my parents dairy farm.

That probably qualifies as child abuse these days. It's sad, but true.

My parents made it clear that we were going to work regardless of the activities we were involved in. Even though basketball and volleyball demanded much of my time, that didn't mean I was let off the hook.

Whether good or bad, our experiences shape, but don't define, who we are.

I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for my parents and the lessons, both direct and indirect, they taught me about money.

Today's generation of parents have lost the art of teaching their kids the value of hard work. Any discomfort or challenges their children face are immediately removed.

I know this sounds harsh, but it's truth, and it comes at a cost.

According to a study, 70% of millennials age 18-34 received financial support from their parents within the last year!

Three-in-five of the participants said they couldn't afford their current lifestyle without the support.

I'd argue this is the result of a generation of young adults whose parents refused to be hard on them.

Here's what my parents taught me by being hard on me, and why I'm glad they were!

I learned everything is earned.

I've learned that reaping the benefits of your hard work is far better than having someone hand them to you.

I had to earn what I wanted. No questions asked.

We wouldn't even think twice about asking our parents for money to go to the movies, for clothes shopping, or for a dinner out with friends, because we knew the answer already.

Any such request (though laughable), if we dared try, would only get the reply, "N-O."

Everything we had (besides necessities like food, shelter, etc) was earned.

Yes, starting in middle school. No, I didn't die.

I learned to show up and work for the things that I want.

Trust me, your kids will not die because they have to work for what they want.

I learned how to budget.

Once I realized that I was responsible for making sure what money I did earn stretched far enough, I was forced to make a basic budget.

Do you want to know part of the reason so many adults are financially clueless?

Because their parents never made them manage money.

After all, if you have everything paid for you don't have to manage!

It's called learned helplessness.

More on Budgeting:

I learned to exceed expectations.

Though I didn't realize it at the time, my parents were teaching me to exceed expectations.

Of course they knew that most of the kids in school didn't have to work as many hours as we did (or even work at all), but they knew that when we left home we'd be much better off.

By setting higher expectations than most parents, they give us an invaluable gift that our employers would thank them for!

I learned life isn't fair, and that's okay.

Any time I was feeling sorry for myself and would tell my parents that it wasn't fair that I had to work and hardly any of my peers did, I'd be met with the response "you're right, life isn't fair."

That response would make me so mad I could hardly stand it.

They were right, life isn't fair, and the sooner I learned that the better.

I learned to differentiate between wants and needs.

One of the most invaluable lessons my parents taught me by being hard on me was that life is full of opportunity costs.

Since I was responsible for my financial well being, I had to differentiate between my wants and needs.

In other words, I was forced to tell myself no quite often, a discipline that has proved to reap great benefits as I've gotten older and made more money!

A FINAL NOTE

Teaching kids about money is a lot simpler than most people make it.

Stop making everything perfect for them. Don't remove every obstacle that comes their way. Have high expectations. Stop paying for everything.

There is an epidemic of a generation of adults that can't function independently of their parents financial support.

So what's one of the most important ways you can teach your kids about money?

Let your kids get used to someone being hard on them.

Chances are they might thank you later ;)

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