Melanie

  De Jong

Melanie

  De Jong

Hey There, I’m Melanie! I am a former CPA turned personal finance blogger and mom of three. When you ‘Budget With Mel’, you’ll develop monthly budgets, cost-cutting tactics, and learn new behaviors and beliefs about money. It’s time you took the stress and confusion out of your personal finances.

Hey There, I’m Melanie! I am a former CPA turned personal finance blogger and mom of three. When you ‘Budget With Mel’, you’ll develop monthly budgets, cost-cutting tactics, and learn new behaviors and beliefs about money. It’s time you took the stress and confusion out of your personal finances.

The Biggest Reasons for Financial Problems in Marriage

melaniedj • Apr 25, 2020

First of all, if you have financial problems in your marriage, you are NORMAL. This doesn't make it right, but I want you to know that you are not alone.

Many couples experience financial stress in their marriage at some point.

The problem is that at that point 50% of people give up on the marriage.

If you can identify the problems early and commit to working through them, you can save yourself a lot of trouble!

Tons of research has shown that the reasons listed below for financial struggles in marriage are truly the cause of many money fights.

Safeguard your marriage against these issues!

TOP CAUSES OF FINANCIAL PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE

1. SEPARATE BANK ACCOUNTS

I'm not going to skate around the truth, operating your finances separately in marriage will only lead to problems. It might work for a little while, but eventually you're going to have big problems.

It's not just me saying this, statistics show this.

I don't think it's a coincidence that divorce rates are higher than ever in a culture that is constantly pushing us to "do our own thing." in other words, forget your spouse and do what you want. It's up to YOU to make it happen for YOU.

This leads to problems financially and relationally, the inability to combine your bank account is simply a symptom of a bigger issue.

When you operate with separate finances, your relationship is that of roommates, not a marriage relationship.

It's incredibly difficult to build wealth if you and your spouse don't share your finances and work as a team.

When you keep your finances separate, you keep your priorities separate (which I'll get to), and the Bible says where you money is there your heart is also.

By keeping your finances separate then, your hearts are essentially going in different directions as well. The money separation is just the start of you both going in different directions.

You're not unified on your goals, value systems, and priorities.

Combine your bank accounts. When the preacher says you are now one, he didn't mean in every area except for your finances!

2. LACK OF TRUST

Money issues in marriage are often a symptom of a bigger problem.

For instance, if you now see the benefit of combining your bank accounts but your spouse refuses, there might be an underlying trust problem.

Maybe you have a bad habit of going to the mall on the weekends when you're bored and going on shopping sprees. Or, maybe your spouse has that bad habit.

Either way, it's been easier to keep your money separate because the responsible spouse can "shelter" their share of the finances and the irresponsible spouse can hide just how bad their spending habit has become.

You both need to be honest with yourselves about whether or not you fully trust the other.

If you come to the conclusion that you don't trust your spouse with finances, then you need to address the issue in a healthy and respectful way.

Share your concerns and fears with your spouse, but don't belittle or degrade them. You are in this together, and you need to work on building trust.

3. DIFFERENT PRIORITIES

Where and how you spend your money is a result of your value systems. As I noted earlier, Jesus said, " Where your treasure is there your heart will be also (Matt 6:21)."

When you plan your money out TOGETHER you are sharing your goals, dreams, and priorities.

If you don't handle your finances together and can't agree on priorities, you'll only grow further and further apart.

Studies have shown that if you can agree on faith, finances, and family you're probability of marriage failure goes down to almost zero.

If you don't have the same basic belief systems, even about money, it's going to be hard to stick it out.

4. NO WRITTEN PLAN

If you don't have a written plan that you work TOGETHER, you greatly increase the probability of marital money strife.

When you sit down and make a written budget together, it will force you to work through the weeds. If you've never created a budget before, today is a great day to start.

If you have other financial stressors such as debt, you need to get on a debt payoff plan as soon as possible.

I created the Ultimate Budget Bundle to give you everything you need in your financial toolbox in order to create an organized, efficient, and effective money plan.

Having a written budget between you and your spouse leaves you both feeling more financially secure knowing that you're on the same page and you're working towards the same goals.

5. ONE SPOUSE BEING IN CONTROL

In most marriages, one spouse is often the nerd and the other is often the free spirit, because opposites attract. That's age old laws of attraction.

Typically, the spouse who is the nerd tends to be controlling and therefore they decide that they are the supreme dictator in the marriage relationship when it comes to the finances.

I know this because I'm the nerd in our marriage relationship, and I've had to work extremely hard at my control issues, especially when it comes to our money.

The problem is even if you are on the same page regarding your money and have a joint bank account, but one spouse is doing EVERYTHING, this also will lead to problems because it's not healthy either.

If I were completely in control of the finances, we'd only go out of the house on triple coupon Thursday.

Both spouses need to be involved in the process and the decision making!

ON A FINAL NOTE

Financial problems in marriage can be avoided if you're willing to put in the work and fix the problem ,before it even begins.

If you can combine your bank accounts, agree on priorities and goals (how the money should be spent), and budget together, you're a long ways ahead of most couples!

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