Melanie

  De Jong

Melanie

  De Jong

Hey There, I’m Melanie! I am a former CPA turned personal finance blogger and mom of three. When you ‘Budget With Mel’, you’ll develop monthly budgets, cost-cutting tactics, and learn new behaviors and beliefs about money. It’s time you took the stress and confusion out of your personal finances.

Hey There, I’m Melanie! I am a former CPA turned personal finance blogger and mom of three. When you ‘Budget With Mel’, you’ll develop monthly budgets, cost-cutting tactics, and learn new behaviors and beliefs about money. It’s time you took the stress and confusion out of your personal finances.

11 Things You Need to Do to Stop Money Fights in Marriage

melaniedj • Jun 09, 2019

If you've been married longer than ten minutes, you've probably had some money fights in your marriage.

Since we walked right over the money landmines , I'm here to offer some advice to help you dodge them (or recover from them)!

Some people think because I love to learn and talk about personal finance that my husband and I agree on everything and never disagree/fight about our finances.

The only way that would be possible is if we thought the EXACT same way, and let me tell you, when they say opposites attract, they aren't wrong!

Opposites may attract when you're dating, but if you're not careful, opposites tend to repel in marriage!

When we were dating and I wanted something that cost $50, and my husband had $51 in his bank account, he'd buy it for me.

It was cute and humble.... until we got married!

All kidding aside, here are some practical things you need to do if you want to be on the same page with your spouse financially and stop fighting about money FOR GOOD.

11 WAYS TO STOP MONEY FIGHTS IN MARRIAGE

Stay Out of Debt

The number one cause of divorce is money fights, and thats because debt allows people to live a lie.

According to a recent study, the larger a couple’s debt, the more likely they were to say money is one of the top issues they fight about. 

Almost half of couples with $50,000 or more in consumer debt say money is a top reason for arguments.

If you want to protect your marriage from failure, staying out of debt is one way to do that. Research backs the fact that the less debt you have the less you fight with your spouse.

Don't let monthly payments become a way of life for your family.

Combine Checking Accounts

One of the first things every married couple should do after saying "I do" is combining their checking accounts.

If you're being honest, keeping money separate in marriage boils down underlying trust issues in your relationship.

Combining your finances in marriage shows that you have unity in goals, mutual expectations, and you agree on how your money is being spent.

You can't keep each area of your marriage neatly separated, especially finances.

I've always been floored by couples who keep their money separate and I've heard more then one fight about whose paying for dinner that night.

This could be avoided if you'd just combine your checking accounts and have a real conversation about how you both handle money, your goals, and how you're going to get there.

Share Short & Long Term Goals

Create unity in your marriage by setting short and loan term financial (and other) goals together.

How can you work together to make your goals happen?

If you are having trouble getting your spouse on board with changing your financial situation, instead of getting angry or nagging, try having a conversation with them about what their financial goals are.

This is much more effective than getting angry and lashing out.

My husband is the spender in our relationship, and when we first got married I could not "get him" to stop spending money on things I thought were dumb.

I tried a different approach. I asked him what his financial goals were and when he answered, I inquired how we could get there.

He started to see the bigger picture, we got on a budget, and now he understands how both of our money behaviors affect our goals.

We are either moving in the direction of our goals or drifting away from them.

Live Below Your Means

Live on (a lot) less than you make, and you're guaranteed to have way less money fights.

Some of the happiest couples live frugally, and they are in most cases some of the most financially sound couples.

It's easy when you get married to feel pressured to "keep up with the Joneses."

What you don't know is the Joneses are probably broke.

Debt has made it so easy to live a lie and fabricate an appearance of wealth, when in reality many are drowning in debt.

Living below your means is essential to building wealth and financial security.

Stick to a Monthly Budget

A budget allows you to spend without guilt and reach your financial goals while enjoying life along the way!

When you get married, you have a built-in accountability partner.

Once you have an agreed-upon, written monthly budget, vow to hold each other accountable and treat it like it is the law of the land.

Living on a budget together will deter money fights because there are no secrets about how money is being spent!

 

I have custom-made the perfect budget templates if you need to do a better job of sticking to your budget.

 

Be sure to get your budget on paper. A budget that isn't written is hard to follow and eventually ends up a lost cause.

Couples that ball on a budget together, stay together!

Have an Emergency Fund

If you don't set aside money for murphy, he just might be the reason there is a rift between you and your spouse.

You don't want to live at the mercy of life's unexpected events, because the reality is unexpected and expensive events WILL happen, and that's a guarantee.

You move into your new house, one week later the roof is leaking. One of you unexpectedly loses your job. Unforeseen medical bills pop up.

While you can't control what life throws at you, your response is controllable.

It's a lot easier to respond in a positive way and not let it affect your marriage if you have money set aside in an emergency fund!

Avoid Being "House Poor"

According to Investopedia , person who is house poor spends a large proportion of his or her total income on home ownership.

House poor individuals are short on cash for discretionary items and tend to have trouble meeting other financial obligations.

Basically, being house poor means your mortgage payment owns you.

Your mortgage payment should not be more than 25% of your take home pay.

Usually disagreements arise in marriage when one spouse has an idea of the kind of house they want and the other sees the potential risk.

Many young couples ultimately bite off more than they can chew when it comes to a house payment.

Sure, they might be able to "afford it" , meaning they have enough cash to pay the monthly payment.

Many newlyweds have a nicer car, bigger house, and take more vacations than their parents!

You might not see it now, but it will eventually lead to financial ruin when you have nothing saved for retirement or emergencies.

Learn Contentment

More stuff will never make you happy, never improve the quality of your marriage, or increase the chances of you and your spouse sticking it out until death do you part.

There are two ways to get enough. One is to accumulate more and more, and the other is to desire less.

This is actually embarrassing to admit, but I've found myself thinking before that if only we had this , or that, we would be happier together.

I've found that the more stuff people have, the harder it is on their marriage.

I remember when we first got married and our motto was we ain't got money honey but we got love.

The more money we make and the more we accumulate, we have to be careful that we aren't spending more time with our "stuff" and less time with each other.

Be careful you don't think desiring more will make your marriage better.

Complement Each Other

In most relationships, opposites attract, and in the financial realm this typically means a spender marries a saver.

Instead of seeing my husband's trait of being a spender as a negative behavior that needs to be fixed, I should see it as complementary to my super-saving behavior.

While it's true that being a spender CAN be negative, it's also true that being a saver can be negative!

To be honest, if I didn't marry Joe, I'd be a super tight wad who only spends money a few times a year... if that.

Consult Each Other for Large Purchases

In this case it is NOT better to ask for forgiveness later rather than permission now.

Consulting one another for large purchases is an essential expectation to have in your marriage.

This seems like a pretty simple concept, but the truth is many people lie to their significant other about what they're spending money on.

In fact, one in three Americans admit to lying to their spouse about money!

Lying to your spouse is unacceptable in any form, including money related lies.

Be honest with your spouse about spending habits and any debt you have. Honesty is a key ingredient to a great relationship.

Give

Giving allows you freedom from letting your money control you and become the object of your affection.

For us, giving to our church and other organizations humbly reminds us that everything we have comes from God!

When you and your spouse give together, you will thrive together!

Giving will give you both a humble spirit and freedom from pride.

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